Where's My Apology?

Do you ever find yourself apologizing for things you didn't do or when it isn't necessary? What is that? This happened to me twice this week. I had two people rip into me and I end up apologizing to them. I'm not sure what was going on for them that day. Maybe, they were having a bad day or p.m.s.ing or work was stressful and they chose to take it out on me.

I like to keep the peace and I confront (I don't like confrontation) if I have to but why do I say I'm sorry when I don't need to? Is this a sign of weakness? A character flaw?

I'll tell you what isn't a character flaw - admitting when you are wrong and seeking forgiveness. I'll always try to do that.

Come to think of it, neither of the people apologized to me. What is valued when we fail to seek forgiveness? Pride? Arrogance? A product of bad parenting? A product of a society that doesn't take responsibility for its actions and that always thinks it's somebody else's fault? How did we get this way?

Well, I won't hold my breath, I will not lose sleep over this and I will stop whining but I will try to save my apologizing for when it is warranted. I think it will be more meaningful and I also think that it won't feed the pride of those who refuse to apologize when they need to do so. I'm not trying to be mean, I am just trying to be prudent.

One think I will not apologize for is living, working, having strong convictions and passions, being a person seeking integrity, staying optimistic and positive and functioning at an optimal level. That would be a slap in the face of the One who made me.

You are encouraged to join the movement to admit when you are wrong, seek forgiveness, give forgiveness and not to feed the pride of those who won't.

Stay strong and courageous. Peace.

My Dad is a Jerk, a Loser, etc.

It's been two days since Father's Day (it's also the first day of legalized gay marriage in California) and this post is for anyone who identifies with the title of this post. This post is for all those growing up in a fatherless culture. This post is for all those who are living broken lives because their father dropped the ball.

What is a Father anyway? If I had to write a definition for father from my own personal experience it would go something like this: Father n. - a person who lies, cheats, steals, mocks, extorts, hits, yells, abuses his wife (and his second wife and his third wife) and children physically, verbally and emotionally; a person who leaves his seed and abandons all responsibilities and duties for personal gain and desire; a person who fails to teach; a person who only cares about himself; a person who has no idea how to manage his household for the betterment of his family and community; a person who fails to protect and who leaves the faith and life of his children and wife in the hands of the devil; a coward; less than a man.

Sorry, but sometimes the truth hurts because it's the truth.

I believe that sin and evil are passed down from generation to generation (it's Biblical and it's our common experience). I also believe that this vicious cycle can be stopped. We can make a choice as men (some aspiring to be so). We don't have to be like our earthly fathers.

I am not sure how old I was but it was somewhere between 7 and 12 years old when I discovered a different Father. I learned that God is ultimately my Father and that he is a good Father and that He loved me infinitely and without condition (please read Matthew 6). I didn't have to throw the ball perfect or sit perfectly at the table all the time or be mistake free. It was in that moment that I decided that I would fight with everything in me to never be like my biological father. It was a big vow for a frightened little boy. But somehow I knew that if there was a Father who was perfect and just and kind and who loved me enough to sacrifice his own son for me then I could be different.

I could actually love my wife and be faithful to her. I could actually love and teach my children all I know and that includes my faith. There will be nothing left up to chance in my household. I will love my wife and my children with the reckless abandon that my Heavenly Father loves me with and my kids won't have to guess at what God is like and what a healthy marriage is and what it means to be a man or a woman or how to be treated and to treat others. They will learn it because they will experience it. And then, one day, they will make up their mind whom they will serve.

But as for me, and my household we will serve the Lord.

You too have that choice. There is a Heavenly Father who loves you regardless of what your earthly father has done. He is a good Father. He gives good gifts. He is a Father to fatherless.