BBO (Beyond Bad Odor)

Oh, the genius of Seinfeld. I can't tell you how many times my life parallels an episode of Seinfeld. I've been going to this really cheap gym for several years now, but never have I experienced an odor that rivals the one I encountered today. There's this guy who has really bad BO (it's really BBO - beyond BO) and I've noticed it before but usually I am prepared for it and I am able to thwart this reeking tang with my stealth and cunning. However, today was not one of those prepared days for me.

Imagine a line of about 30 treadmills spanning almost the entire length of the gym. Now, imagine that at least half of those are unusable when this guy is there spraying his toxic scent. For several weeks he was jogging (j is silent) on the first treadmill, which meant that you could spot him as you entered the gym, hold your breath and rush through the fog of foulness to about the 18th treadmill where you can find a sanctuary of semi-breathable air.

But then something happened and he changed his m.o. (method of operation) and he moved to the 30th treadmill where he began to establish his new stronghold of stink. For a few weeks, I began to think, "This is okay. This is good. I can maintain." It meant that I couldn't make it down to treadmill #20 to watch ESPN on the strategically placed TV's but I could deal with that. Breathing is more important to me than Sports Center. After all, Oprah isn't that bad on TV #12. The only snafu came when I wanted to revel in the Patriots defeat on Monday after the Superbowl and the scrawny guy at the counter wouldn't let me change TV #12 to ESPN. But I got over that because I was far from the glands of death. Everything was fine.

Not so fast, though, because today my little work out world came crashing down. My bubble of breathing was burst when I walked into the gym and saw that stinkernaut was in the middle of treadmill row. I tried but there was no escape. The odor was too powerful for my weakened lungs and sensitive nose. The stench was beyond my strength and will to endure. I struggled for a long time, wondering what to do. I felt a tear come to my eye and I contemplated joining LA Fitness for quadruple the price. Should I turn this guy in? Do I tell the manager? What am I supposed to do? Seriously.

I had no choice - I couldn't work out. I had to leave. Thankfully and unlike Seinfeld the beast has not attached itself to me. I smell fine but I just can't risk it.